Jax Teller, an alternative end
by TheWriterWithWings
Summary: By a fan in denial. Thank you for reading and enjoying this. At first, I just wanted to write my own end to this awesome show. An open end I could live with. But I decided to keep writing, just to see where this path goes. Stay tuned!
1. Chapter 1

It was supposed to be her last night in this damn town.

Last night shift at the hospital before she could head to New-York, travelling in the back of the special ambulance that would transfer Joey all the way to the Big Apple.

A new life, a new job.

A fresh start.

Just like they used to dream about.

Except that nothing was the way they had imagined.

Joey wanted a new beginning, away from all the shit he got around here. He had always wanted the best for her. For them. Her big brother, her entire world.

He had been the one paying for med school. Telling her he was cumulating jobs and getting some good business. Thet she didn't have to worry, only to focus on 'becoming a great doctor with a nice badge with our family name on it ».

She believed him. Maybe because it was easier for her. She had no idea what kind of business he was in until the day after her graduation.

The day Charles Barosky came to their apartment to congratulate her and talk to Joey.

She disliked the man at first sight. He introduced himself as a cop but his eyes were telling her he was not all nice and shiny. His eyes. And the way Joey was turning into a good dog every time the guy was around.

They were both involved in some nasty business around the docks, business Joey always refused to talk about. Saying the less she knew, the less involved she would stay.

She should have insisted. But every time her big brother hugged her, telling her it would be okay, she believed him.

Every time.

She sighed and looked at Joey.

He was so pale now, more than he ever had been.

He was stuck on this bed for two years now, in coma, after an overdosis of crack and heroin.

She took his hand and squeezed it hard. « You promised me I'd never have to spend Christmas alone. I wish you could have kept that promise a little longer, brother » , she whispered.

Joey was clean for almost a year back then. Their project to start over in New York was getting closer. She had good job offers she could take. She was good enough at her job to have the luxury to be picky. And him...Joey was a great mechanic. He had magic hands when it came to old cars. She had no doubt he'd find something.

He was confident, just as much as her.

He had even told Barosky he was going to 'retire'. To give his sister the life he had promised her after the accident that cost them their parents.

Less than a week later, she got a call. She was working in the E.R when someone told her the police wanted to talk to her. About her brother found next to the docks, covered in the blood of a dead prostitute.

An ambulance brought him later on. He was unconscious. In coma already.

She remembered how scared she was. She remembered feeling lost. This was maning no sense.

Three scary weeks followed that call. His heart had stopped eight times in the meanwhile and he had never opened his eyes again.

She had refused to give up. To lose hope. To put him in an institution. She had ignored the warnings and the pity looks.

She was going to take care of him and as a matter of fact, she did. A few months after his OD, he had been moved to their family home and she had hired a nurse to take care of him when she had to work at the hospital.

She had spent every moment she could with him, reading for him, cleaning him up, checking on the IVs, waiting for him to wake up.

Checking every day for any improvement of his brain activity.

Hoping for a sign. A word.

An explanation.

Two years later, here she was. She had finally decided to leave for NY. To take that start they both had dreamed about. She had taken care of everything. The house of their grandmother was ready to welcome them. There was a nurse waiting to start the cares at home.

And Kate had two free months ahead of her to get settled before starting her new job. She wanted to take her time to make sure he was comfy, that everything was perfect.

In the hope that the sunlight reaching his closed eyelids every morning in his new bedroom would help him to wake up and that the first thing he would see would be the snow in the garden and the Christmas tree she intented to set in his bedroom.

Their very first white Christmas.

The day before, he had been transferred from their house to the hospital so he could be prepared for the journey. She had spent the day with him, smiling politely to the other doctors and nurses coming to salute them one last time.

And of course to see her 'poor brother'.

She knew she shouldn't get so mad at them for feeling pity. The nurses here knew Joey for he had been brought in a few times over the years. Infection of his catheter once, convulsions another.

All day, they had come in to say goodbye.

All day, she had bitten on her tongue not to say a word.

And when the day shift had finally been over, giving her a short break before the night shift started, a few hours before their big adventure...

Joey's heart stopped.

Just like that, the monitor started to beep and an alarm went on, breaking her heart once more.

It was time to let go and this was Joey's way to tell her he wouldn't go anywhere.

She turned off all the monitors before the alarm alerted the nurses. She didn't need anyone. Not for this.

And here she was now, holding his hand for the last time.

She had prepared herself for this moment. For so long. But right now, she didn't know what to do.

She knew the procedure of course. Calling the death, filling the forms, preparing him for the morgue.

She had done this for others so often she didn't even have to think about it.

But this...this was Joey. And for the first time, she was alone.

A nurse knocked at the door and she wiped away the tear that was rolling over her cheek.

« Dr. Maddox ? I'm sorry to bother you. I know your shift only starts in fifteen minutes bu... », the nurse said before noticing the monitors. She took a step inside and Kate got up.

« Is he... », the nurse asked, frowning.

Kate shook her head. « No, no...not yet. I just turned the sound off. I wanted to get some rest. What is it, Meredith ? », she blurted. She was not ready to let go. Not ready to say goodbye. And certainly not ready to deal with people crying over Joey just yet.

The nurse smiled lightly and stepped back.

« One of the patients in ICU has a defect catheter. I can't reach any surgeon. The hospital is half deserted tonight and I'm the only one running around as it seems. I wondered if you could take care of it. »

Kate glanced at Joey and nodded. « Of course. I'm coming. »

She placed a soft kiss on Joey's temple and murmured. « I'll be right back. I'm not letting go on you just yet. You know how sentimental I can be. »

She stared at his face for a minute before taking a deep breath and following the nurse.

She took the file the nurse held to her and opened it as they walked toward the ICU.

« Oh. It's that biker...the one who got hit by a truck a month ago. I didn't know he was still alive », she commented.

The nurse opened a door to her and explained « It's a miracle he made it that long. He was DOA but the police really insisted we tried to keep him alive. They really want him to pay for what he has done. His injuries are severe. Multiple head traumas, face and neck, crushed ribcage, intern damages, fractures to the arms, hips and legs. He wasn't wearing a helmet but if I got it right, he had no intention to survive the accidentt. They said he rode himself under that truck. Can you imagine that? He got revived in the ER. Brain and cardiac activity are weak but stable. Basically...he doesn't make a good chance for survival but he has one hell of a guardian angel who is not ready to give up on him. », she told Kate before guiding her through the ICU.

Kate stopped and checked on the file once more before looking up. The man was laying on a bed similar to Joey. Tubes, I.V's and monitors surrounding him like watch dogs. She noticed the restrains around his wrists and snorted.

Like this guy was ever trying to escape.

She assumed the cops had been tired to wait for him to wake up and simply tide him up to his bed like a prisoner.

« I heard he went on a killing spree before his final ride », she said as she walked to stand next to him.

The nurse turned on a light above the bed and sighed loudly.

« Oh yeah. I know you never read the headlines but it wasn't pretty. He even shot an old friend of my father. A retired cop from Stockton. Baretsky or something. In the middle of his bakery. It disgusted me of donuts for a while. And it's a shame really. They were making a damn good coffee too.»

Kate froze and tried to keep herself in check. « You mean Barosky...Charles Barosky ? », she asked, voice lower than she expected.

The nurse nodded before checking on her beeper. « Oh can I leave you for a moment ? They need me in Pediatry. »

« Of course. I'll be fine. I'll change the catheter then I'll keep an eye on him. It's my last shift, I only have a mountain of reports to finish before leaving. No active duty for me tonight. You know how administration is.»

« Oh that's right ! We'll miss you. Call me if you need anything ! », the nurse

said before exiting the room.

Kate looked at the patient and grabbed a new catheter from the table next to the bed. Her hands were trembling.

She forced herself to breathe calmly before speaking. « Mr Teller...We never met but it seems I owe you. ».

She prepared the catheter before turning to him. She pulled a chair next to the bed and sat down, leaning in to remove the defect device. « See...the man you killed, Barosky ? He killed my brother. I can't prove it, I never tried. I know what would have happened to me if I had. ».

She paused and cleaned the spot around the tube in his chest.

« My brother worked for him. I suppose he was doing all the dirty jobs this so called model citizen couldn't do himself. He knew too much, I guess. When he told Barosky he wanted out, he got framed. Badly. My brother was clean. And he was proud of it. When the cops told me he probably spent the night with a whore who tried to rob him in the early morning and that he shot her before stealing her drugs to get a fix, I knew it was bullshit. First...my brother wasn't a killer. And second... », she cautiously placed the catheter when it belonged and used tape to keep it into place. « Second, my brother was gay. I was the only one who knew that. So that story made no sense. Barosky came to see me a few days later to check on my brother's condition. He wanted so bad to know if Joey had said anything since that night that I knew he was involved. Afraid Joey would talk and compromise him. »

She checked everything once more before sighing sadly.

« Fate is a bitch, Jax. Joey just died. And here I am, finally hearing what happened to the jerk who's responsible for this mess. Next to the man who avenged us without even knowing. Thank you...I know it's a little late to repay you for this. I wish I had had the courage to talk. To try something...anything to make that guy pay. Not that it would have changed anything. Joey would still have died and you...You did what you had to do, I guess. »

She rubbed her face tiredly.

Saying out loud that Joey was gone had been harder than she thought, even if it was to someone who couldn't hear her.

She looked up at the monitors and shook her head.

« You're stil fighting. Even if you don't mean to. But if you wake up, they'll throw you in jail for the rest of your life. And if you die...well. It won't make this world a better place. No future for Jax Teller no matter what. I'm sorry »

She reached up and took his hand just like she had taken Joey's earlier.

Except this one was warm. He was alive, still.

She frowned and squeezed his hand gently.

« You know, Joey was scared of one thing. To die a meaningless death. He always dreamed of doing things, great things in his life. He was dreaming of a new life for us. Somewhere very far from here. A fresh start. Is it something we don't all dream about ? », she asked, knowing Jax wouldn't replied.

She watched his face, swollen and covered in cuts and bruises where the bones under his skin were still shattered and trying to decide whether to glue together again or not.

« Did you ever dream of that too ? », she wondered out loud.

That's when a terrifying idea crossed her mind. She shivered and bowed her head, trying to process her thoughts.

What if Joey's death wasn't just a coincidence ? What if this all was her brother's last message ?

Her heart freezing her mind to prevent her common sense to take over, she looked at the door. There was no one.

It was like the universe was trying to tell her to just do it.

She got up and grabbed a tube that she used to take some blood from him. She leaned over him and collected hair from his head. She shoved everything into her pocket before walking to the end of the bed to check on his file. She took out the latest results of the CT-scan and memorized the other informations she needed.

She had one night to make this happen.

A few hours to make a difference.

One.

For Joey.

« I'll be back. Don't go anywhere. », she humored, more out of nervosity than anything else.

She walked back to Joey's room and entered before closing the door behind her.

« Joey...I'm about to do the stupidest thing...and I hope that's what you want », she said.

She stood next to him and hugged him one last time before starting to pull out the tubes and wires. She took the time to clean him up as good as she could. Then she bent over him and took a deep breath before holding up a pincet. « I don't want to do this...But we can't neglect any detail. You always said I was smart enough to commit the perfect crime after all. That you were happy I never chose to be a criminal. Well. Here we are. Watch me. »

She watched his face one more before whispering « I love you. Always ».

Then despite the tears filling her eyes, she started to pull out his teeth one by one.

A couple of hours later, she sat down and decided to pause for a moment and checked if there was any blank in her plan.

She had moved Jax to Joey's room. She had covered his face with restraining bandages, the kind that were used sometimes on coma patients who had AVCs and whose features tended to ... « melt » on one side.

The bracelet around his wrist was Joey's. His most visible tattoos were covered in strategically displayed bandages.

Earlier, she had called Meredith to tell her she had just called the death of Jax teller and offered to take care of cleaning up and doing the paperwork for her as she was not herself on active duty.

Meredith hadn't hesitated and accepted.

The perks of being a good doctor without any trouble.

People trusted you without second thoughts.

She was now in the morgue, alone with the remains of her brother and writing down the report about Jax Teller's death.

Trying real hard not to think about what she would have to do next.

Joey's teeth were in the 'Tooth Fairy's Jar ' in the Dental care Unit. It was a big jar where patients, youngs and olders, could leave their removed teeth after dental surgery in exchange for a sweet and a free toothbrush.

She had pulled them out to prevent anyone to use them to check the DNA. Now, lost among hundred, no one would find them.

The sheets his brother had laid on were in the laundry basket along along with Teller's hospital blouse.

Teller was now wearing her brother's.

She filled up the report, her eyes focused on the sheet of paper to not travel to her brother's naked corpse.

She noted every visible injury on the chart, based on what the CT scan results and the files had told her. She added the tube with Jax's blood in it with her report and put both in the coroner's basket.

She knew he would find it in the morning and get himself prepared for the usual autopsy, with a sticker on it indicating that Teller was now in the drawer 2.

Meaning all she had to do now was to make sure he wouldn't have a corpse to work on.

She checked on another chart.

There was two incinerations planned in the morning at 5am. Corpses nobody had claimed were incinerated in the back of the hospital. And with the violence reigning in Charming for the past years, gang members not always being claimed by the ones they called brothers, it was something almost normal around here.

She got up and opened Drawer 1, the one where a corpse planned for incineration was kept.

She didn't opened the body bag. She didn't need to know what the dead man was looking like. She moved him to Drawer 4, that was supposedly empty. Then she wiped out her fingerprints carefully. She couldn't leave any trace.

She turned to Joey and sighed.

« This is where we say goodbye, brother. » she said as she caressed his hair softly.

« I know you didn't want to be buried. You always was claustrophobic. Your ashes won't be spread over Granny's roses after all. I hope you will forgive me. », she leaned in and kissed his forehead before whispering.

« You were dreaming of a second chance and I know Barosky stole it from both of us. But I'm going to do things I can...if he can be saved...I'll give him the chance you deserved. He avenged you. He'll carry your name for a while. This is my way to keep you alive, Joey. I know you would want me to move on, to build a life for myself...I'm not ready for this. I never was. I needed you. I always needed you. I will see you on the other side. »

She closed the body bag over him and let the hair she had taken from Jax fall on the cold tray under him.

When the coroner would find out that the wrong body had been burnt the next day, he might want to check the drawer to be sure. She knew she would.

Let's say she had a thing for details.

Tears now rolling freely over her cheeks, she pushed the corpse inside and closed the metallic door on it before wiping her fingerprints once more and clenching her fists to stop shaking.

She had this under control. She had to.

She exited the morgue and went back to Joey's room. She still had reports to fill before they came to transfer her brother after all.

When 5am hit the clock, she went to get herself a coffee. It was an excuse like another to be around when the assistant in charge with the incinerations came to pick up the two bodies to bring them to their last destination.

When dark smoke started to exit the chimney above her head, Kate leaned against a wall behind a corner and let herself slide on the floor. She allowed herself to cry as bad as she needed.

A last goodbye to her big brother.

Her family.

When she felt strong enough for the last step, she pushed herself up and went back to Joey's room.

It was tim to prepare Teller for the journey.

Standing next to him, she made a few calls. One to be sure the trucks with all her belongs were on the way to New York.

One to make sure the nurse would be there on arrival. She gave her a list of supplies she needed. Teller was in a worse shape than her brother. She would need more than expected.

The nurse didn't discuss. Kate was the doctor after all.

She found the courage to head to the ER one last time to say goodbye to her former coworkers, accepting hugs and flowers with a frozen smile on her lips.

Meredith hugged her as well and thanked her for covering up for her at the ICU.

Kate shrugged and waved a dismissive hand. It was nothing. She had just brought Teller to the morgue and left him there for the coroner to find in the morning, she said. Routine.

When the ambulance arrived for the transfer at 6am, she stood by her 'brother ''s side, giving instructions to make sure he would have everything he needed. She dismissed the paramedic when he asked if he had to stay with her in the back.

No. She was used to take care of Joey. There was nothing to worry about. They were going home, at last.

Once in the ambulance, buckled up next to Teller, she allowed herself to breathe and leaned her forehead against the bed.

« What am I doing ? », she asked out loud. Her hand found Teller's and she grabbed it.

She was responsible for him now. And she didn't even know if he was okay with all that. She had just forced a second chance on someone who had gotten his business done before deciding to exit stage the only way he had come up with.

How would he react when he'd wake up ?

Would he ever wake up to start with ?

As an answer to at least one of her question, a weak grunt escaped the throat of the man next to her.

By reflex, she checked on his vitals. He was stable.

For now.

She looked up just in time to see the sign indicating they were now leaving Charming through the back window of the vehicle.

It was done.

This chapter was closed. She had no idea what the next one would be about. It was terrifying and exciting all at once. And she wouldn't be alone to write it anyway.

She looked back at Teller. «Jax Teller died last night in Charming. His body got incinerated by accident. And you, Joey Maddox, coma patient for two years, you left this damn town with your sister to get a new life on the other side of the country. It won't be easy. It won't be pretty but I'll be by your side every step of the way. We'll get up from this together. If you ever wake up, you'll go through Hell. It will hurt. Everything will be different. Life...us...everything... but you know what ? »

She smiled softly.

« We got this. »

Holding his hand tight into her, she felt a bit stronger. She squeezed it again and repeated ; "Yes. We got this. This is not the end. Just an unexpected beginning."

-The END -


	2. Chapter 2

Kate checked on the stop watch around her wrist. She was now running for 33 minutes at a steady rhythmn and the corner of her street was already in sight.

She smiled and increased her pace. It would be her new personal record. Twice the distance from the house to the park and back in less than forty minutes.

After she took the last turn, she felt good enough for a short sprint all the way to the small house she was now living in for three months.

She stopped next to the mailbox and stretched, catching her breath slowly before checking the mail and walking to the door.

She stepped inside the house, reading the letters she was holding. A couple of bills, a medical supply folder, nothing interesting.

"Jenny, I'm back!", she shouted as she tossed the letters on the small table next to the door and turning off her IPod. She took off her ear plugs and put the device away as well before going to the kitchen to get something to drink.

Jenny, a 50 years old nurse she had hired to take care of Jax while she was working or out, joined her there and smiled.

"How was the run, Dr Maddox?", she asked before laughing briefly. "I still don't get why you enjoy running, especially after a night shift".

Kate smiled back. "Believe it or not but it helps to clear my mind and get rid of the stress.", she answered before opening the fridge and scowling at the sight of a pile of Tupperwares, visibly full of various food.

"You said you'd bring me a little something...There's enough to feed an army in there!".

The nurse shrugged while putting on her jacket and grabbing her purse.

"You need to eat more. You're way too thin. Sometimes I wonder if you don't simply share your brother's IV bags instead of having real food."

She looked at Kate and pointed a reproachful finger at her. "You know it's not healthy. I admire the fact that you sacrifice so much to take care of Jay….but you need to stay strong. And that goes by enough sleep and good food!"

Kate rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine. But if I eat all that, I'll be unable to move again. You'd have to roll me toward the hospital", she joked before grabbing a bottle of water and closing the fridge..

"How is he?", she asked, more by habit than because she expected any improvement.

Jenny looked up like she could see Jax through the ceiling.

Jay was how Kate called Jax now. She wasn't ready to call him Joey yet. And she didn't want to risk calling him Jax while mentioning him in a conversation. Jay was a good compromise.

The nurse updated her on his vitals before smiling.

"It was a quiet night, really. I would have had the time to wash him, you know? It would spare you some time so you could go to bed earlier. Or take a better care of yourself", she added pointedly.

Kate took a few sips from the bottle and walked to the nurse to give her a brief one-arm hug.

"I know. Call me a control freak if you want. I'll let you do the cares at some point. For now, we're not entirely into our new rhythmn yet. He wouldn't like someone else than me to see him naked. My brother had principles. Plus I really don't mind it. That's when I tell him about my day. But thanks for the offer. I appreciate that."

She smiled and waved at Jenny when she left, sighing in relief when the door closed behind the nurse.

She couldn't let her clean up Jax. The tattoos on his skin were still too visible.

And even if she had covered most of his injuries by pretending that the first ambulance that was supposed to transfer him got involved in a severe accident during which his arms and legs had been broken along with his jaw, she had no way to explain the 'Sons of Anarchy' tattoo on Jax's back or the 'In memory of John Teller' one of his forearm.

Even if Jenny heard of her brother's difficult past in a gang (the nurse had nodded sternly as the gangs were also very active in the city, her own cousin had died during a gunfight years ago, Kate remembered how bad she had felt to lie about this all after jenny told her that), Kate didn't want to risk anyone to make the link between Jax, her and the Sons.

Jax was officially dead. And as far as she knew, no one was looking for them.

But you were never too careful.

She climbed up the stairs and enterd Jax's room. She opened the curtains to let the sunshine in and went directly to the bathroom to get what she needed. Warm water, wash cloth, soap, fresh, a clean blouse and towels. She hesitated for a moment before also grabbing the shaving kit.

She walked to the bed and displayed everything on the metallic wheeled table.

"Good morning!", she said cheerfully. "I heard you slept well. I wish I could say I slept as well but it was a crazy night in the E.R again."

As she was talking, she removed the blouse he was wearing. She was ordering hospitals blouses by dozens every month. It was easier for her than shirts. Even unconscious for almost 4 months now, Jax was still muscled and heavy to lift up. The casts around his arms and legs weren't making her job any easier.

The day before, she had borrowed a couple of interns from the hospital and asked them to come by with a portable X-ray machine so they could take pictures from every angle. She needed to check on his healing progression. The images were now uploaded on her laptop and she had spent a couple of hours during her shift examining each of them to make sure every shattered bone was healing the right way.

She was still worried about his left leg as it had been the most damaged, probably crushed under the bike during or right after the collision.

His pelvis was stable now. By miracle, most of his spine had been spared. Again, she could only assume that the bike had absorbed most of the shock. But because she preferred to be careful, she was keeping the cervical collar into place as much as possible.

He hadn't had any seizures under her watch, any massive internal bleedings. As far as she knew, the swelling into his brain was reduced to a minimum. She could only hope the damages of his brain were limited to a minimum as well.

He was a mess, that was true.

But he was alive.

She started to wash him thoroughly, still speaking out loud. She enjoyed talking to him. She had no idea if he could hear her...but somehow, she was hoping he would get used to her voice. That he would get used to her in general.

"They brought in a young guy tonight. Stabbed multiple times in the neck. Apparently, he wanted to quit the gang he was stuck in to go to college and play ball. It made me think of you". she said as she ran the washcloth up and down his chest. "I can't imagine how that must feel. But I guess that's something you only get when you grow up in the middle of it. I keard about codes. And rules. There was another boy with him. He looked terrified at the idea his mate could die. I offered him to call someone for him but he said he had to go back to his brothers. That they were the only family he had and he couldn't afford to leave."

She went silent as she worked on his arms and shoulders. She paused before looking at his face. "Was it the same for you? Leaving wasn't an option...at least, no one involving you'd still be standing and breathing?"

She sighed loudly before washing his neck.

"Don't tell me. I don't even want to know. This is behind us. Behind you. I'm the only sibling you have now.", she told him before moving aside to wash his legs and feet.

She arched a brow and looked up at him. "What do you mean, you're not sure it's better?", she scowled playfully.

Then she shook her head. Kind of sad that the conversations she loved the most were with someone who couldn't even reply.

She moved around and pushed him on one side to clean his back and bottom before drying him off.

"Here. You're all clean now. She leaned down to check on his back closely. The skin was still red but it was clean. No swelling, no burns.

Two months ago, she had acquired a Q-Switched YAG laser system to start removing the large tattoo on his back.

After a few researches on the internet about the Sons and the codes of various MC, she knew that members that had been expulsed from their club couldn't keep the tattoo of the MC on their skin without severe consequences.

She had spent nights reading terrifying things about 'meeting Mister Mayhem' and various witnesses who had their tattoo removed by fire or other barbaric ways.

She was refusing to try to know more about Jax himself. Who knew who was keeping an eye on any search on his name?

She was only sure of one thing. Rumors in Charming before she left was all about the president of the MC going on a murder spree after his downfamm. It was all she needed to know. The Sons of Anarchy tattoo had to be removed to make sure no link could be done between the deceased Jax Teller and Joey Maddox. And no one would ever see that name on his back. She needed to protect his new identity. And most of all, she needed to make sure he would be able to move on, to leave all this behind him. A fresh start, a clean slate would be impossible if every time he would take a shower, his eyes would meet the Reaper's on his back.

Not to mention she was refusing to see all her efforts and sacrifices ruined by one simple look at him by the wrong people. Even Jenny, who she trusted, could never see that name. She didn't want to have any angry MC member showing at her door and asking questions about the how and why her 'brother' was wearing the colors of a MC he wasn't supposed to belong to.

Jax's connection to the Sons had to stay buried in the ashes she had left behind them.

She was aware this was another choice she was forcing on him.

First a new life, a new identity. And now she was even deciding about the tattoos he probably wore proudly during most of his life.

Patiently, regularly, she had worked on his Reaper tattoo every day for a few hours. Even if he wasn't awake, she had adjusted his pain medication to make sure he wouldn't be in pain.

The laser had been easy to find. One of the doctors she was working with knew a tattoo artist who was also specialised in tattoo removal. After explaining the guy she wanted to remove her brother's gang tattoos, he had accepted to rent her the laser and even showed her how to use it.

No paperwork, no proof.

Exactly what she needed.

The task was so time-robbing and the progresses were so slow she could still see the reaper dancing in front of her eyes when she would close them to take a break or sleep after the treatment. Every time, despite her sore hands and her exhaustment, she had settled next to him and held ice packs against his skin to ease the pain.

The tattoo was not entirely gone yet. But she didn't know if she could still read the words because she spent so much time working on them or because they were still clearly visible.

It didn't really matter yet. She wouldn't let anyone check on it for a while.

She had paused the treatment on the reaper for a week or two. The tattoo dedicated to a John Teller on his forearm was gone for the most part. Only the two tattoos, 'Abel' and 'Thomas', remained untouched.

She wasn't sure who they were but she couldn't just take them off. They were beautiful and non MC related tattoos in her opinion. Jax could decide what to do with those when the time would come.

For now, she decided to let it rest a few more days. She grabbed the tube of anti-inflammatory and healing cream before spreading some over the spots where the tattoos used to be.

Once she was satisfied, she adjusted the various catheters and checked on every IVs before putting a clean blouse on Jax.

"I'll remove the casts on your arms in a few days. You're healing well.", she said softly before leaning in to kiss his cheek. Curious how he got attached to a man she knew nothing about.

Oh she knew every fracture, old and new, thanks to the X-rays. She knew he probably broke a leg when he was a kid. She knew every scar, every curve on him.

She remembered Joey. The difference with Jax was that on Joey, she knew the stories behind most of the scars. She could tell about how Joey got that one above his eyebrow (falling from the treehouse when he was twelve), the one on his shoulder (that time he fell from his bike when he was 15 after his first drinking party).

With Jax, she only had guesses. She had to use her imagination to invent herself stories about every of his scars.

She knew him by heart. And she didn't know him at all.

She shook her head and removed the cervical collar. "I'm being sentimental. You should wake up and punch me", she joked.

How many times had she told this to Joey? Trying to bargain for him to wake up?

Why would she get more reaction from Jax, she asked herself.

Only to ignore that snarky inner voice remembering her that, deep down, she had always known Joey would never come back.

She was a doctor after all. Joey had never showed any sign of improvement. He was a lost cause, a sinking ship she just couldn't give up on.

Jax was a different story. She knew he would wake up. She just didn't know when. Or how he would react to this all.

If his brain wasn't too damaged for him to react, that is.

She sat next to him and took the shaving kit.

She covered his cheeks, chin and neck with shaving cream before delicatelly running the razor against his skin.

"Now would be the worse moment to wake up. Fair warning", she whispered, focused on every movement of her hands.

"You'd wake up to find a woman you don't know leaning over you and holding a razorblade against your throat. Tough bikers would freak out for less, I'm sure', she mused.

"But hey, at least, you'd be awake."

She finished shaving him in silence and cleaned him up before checking on her work.

"Here. You look all handsome now."

She paused to watch him as if she wanted to memorize every feature, every line.

Not that she never did before.

She pushed the wheeled table away with her foot before leaning in, one arm over him, her hand resting next to his head on the pillow.

"Jay….I really need you to wake up. I need to hear you tell me that I got this right. That this is a good thing. For now I'm taking decisions for you and I don't even know if you'll hate me for it or not. The tattoos, this all…", she looked around and sighed. The room was full of medical devices and the closets were full with supplies.

She had tried to make the room as comfortable as she could. Even replacing the wheeled bed he was on by an actual king size bed covered in cushions to hold him into place , in case he would start to move.

But the truth was...she didn(t know what he liked.

What he wanted.

She didn't even know what music he enjoyed. Maybe the old collection of her brother, full of Metallica, ZZTop and other rock albums she was playing for him when she was home and cleaning around was killing him inside. Maybe he was screaming in his head, yelling for her to stop this abomniable musical torture.

She snorted at the thought but it didn't cheer her up at all.

She was in the dark about so many things she really needed him to wake up.

To give her a direction.

She got up and stretched. "My turn now. I need a shower. Stay here, I'll be right back"

It was a bad joke, she knew that.

But he was the only one hearing it and he wasn't really complaining.

She made the shower last, the hot water helping her muscles to relax. The exhaustment from the night shift was catching up on her and she knew she wouldn't last long.

She put on an old Rolling Stones shirt and went to the kitchen to make herself a sandwich. Then she grabbed an IV bag full of nutrition solution before walking back to Jax's room.

She placed the plate with her sandwich on the nightstand before replacing the bag on the infusion pump.

She watched it for a moment to make sure it was flowing properly then settled on the bed next to Jax.

"Breakfast time for you, dinner for me. Mind if I keep you company for a moment?", she asked before reaching for the TV remote.

She turned the TV on and looked for something to watch. She took a few bites of her sandwich before curling up next to him.

She only needed to close her eyes for a few minutes.

'And you really need to open yours', she thought before falling into slumber.

When she woke up again, it took her a few moments to remember where she was.

She frowned.

Something felt….different.

She sat up in panic and looked up to the monitors around the bed.

Maybe something had happened while she was sleeping. She couldn't explain the sudden pressure on her chest, the odd feeling she was having. All the vitals were normal. There was no alarming beep, no worrying result.

"How long did I sleep….", she wondered out loud while rubbing her eyes.

She glanced at Jax and froze.

His eyes were open and he was looking at her. The expression she caught on his face made her heart skip a beat and a cold shiver run up her spine.

He was awake.

And he was staring at her.

There was no happiness visible on his features. No relief. Not even pain.

Only confusion.

And anger.

Kate didn't look away. She didn't move.

It was time for her to assume the consequences. She had imagined this moment so many times. Right now, every scenario she had come up with along the months all seemed ridiculous.

She had wished for him to wake up for so long. And for so long, she had convinced herself he would approve of her decision. Of this rescue.

Now one single thought was running through her mind as she was still unable to move.

What if he didn't approve after all?

What if she had just made the biggest mistake of her life?

One thing was sure.

It was too late now. He was here. So was she.

They were in this together.

That he wanted it.

Or not.


End file.
